Perception is Projection

Okay, so what does perception is projection mean? Put simply, if you perceive a thing to have certain qualities or characteristics, you will always project your perception through any dealings with that thing.

I’m bringing this up now because its very important in personal relationships. I have fallen foul of it many times (and again just recently) so its on my mind. If you look at the page on NLP you’ll see that are certain presuppositions in NLP. One is that we all have our own unique map  of the world. Therefore, if in my map a certain person (or even race of people) are untrustworthy, I will always unconsciously project this through all my interactions. They will in turn respond feeling that projection. That is what is implied in the other presupposition – Communication is also the response you get.

Here is a real world example of perception is projection. I was called a number of names by someone close. Whether they were reflecting what they disliked about themselves, or what I had said forced them to look in the mirror, I don’t know. All I know is that clearly this is what they think of me. And so will always project these things through any interactions with me. Not good. I now know that anything I say will be processed through these perceptions. What I also know is I will always be treated like this unconsciously.

No Easy Fix

Sadly, there is no easy fix. Usually the person is in complete denial. This Perception is Projection thing is very prevalent in racist, sexist and elitist behaviour. They don’t believe they are doing anything wrong. So, what is there to fix?

The only true learning is self-directed and so getting the person to understand what they are doing is first. But a nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. I they won’t accept it, you can talk until you are blue in the face.

Me, I’m going to walk away. The same things have been said before so I’m quite justified in saying, if that is how you truly feel, we have no basis for a relationship. And walk away, because there IS no basis. Now you may be thinking, if its been said before  maybe it’s TRUE! All I can say is the times it has been thrown at me were times I asked the person to be more sensitive to people’s feelings (including mine).

Use this knowledge to your advantage.

I’m not going to play out any more of this, but let’s use this learning. If you are having a difficult relationship with someone, ask yourself this. What do I think about them? Are you mentally rehearsing a fight before you’ve even seen them? Are you running through their bad qualities? Or similar. Now, if you choose to want to improve the relationship try this. STOP thinking any more bad thoughts about them. Instead, start thinking about how easy the conversation could go. See it flowing – remove ALL your perception of them. Only see the good in them – in fact see talking with them as fun.

And see what happens – you might be surprised. Knowing perception is projection can help ALL our relationships.