NLP

NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming and is in some sense a practice based on the idea that the Language of the Mind is codifiable and has been codified.

The simple premises are that because we (no-one) truly understands what reality is, we make representations of it that work for us. Meaning, our mind (Neuro) uses a language it understands (Linguistic) to model and instruct our behaviour (Programming). Every experience we have goes through a (very fast) process of sending the incoming information through our values, beliefs, memories, and programmes and coming up with a meaning that will then instruct what ’state’ is correct for us. You can see how flawed the process could be. Crazy beliefs, inaccurate memories, trauma-induced programmes, and wham….nuts behaviour.

But it does have its good sides.

The Basics

NLPers believe in a set of 13-15 pre-suppositions (depending who you read) that underpin all the work.

1. The map is not the territory – we do not know what reality is. We create a map of the world from which we operate based on the above. It’s as accurate as a SatNav that has inaccurate software. The menu is not the meal!
2. We respect each person’s model of the world – no matter how crazy a person’s behaviour is, they have arrived at it using the same process as everyone else. Therefore, it’s the programmer (you) that has done a poor job.
3. Having more choices is better than one choice – always act to increase choice. The fewer choices you have, the more limited your life.
4. People make the best choice they can at the time – we always make the best choice we can, given our relevant maps of the world. They may be self-defeating and bizarre, but again, bad map, bad choice.
5. People work perfectly – no-one is wrong or broken. We are all executing our strategies perfectly. It’s just that the strategies are based on flawed information.
6. All actions have a purpose – we don’t do random. All actions have a purpose, even if we don’t know what this purpose is.
7. Every behaviour has a positive intention – although prisons seem to have turnstiles, everything we do (to us) will have some perceived benefit or value.
8. The meaning of communication is not only the message, but also the response you get – you may not receive the response you hoped for. That would be bad communication with that particular being. The message is clean up your language.
9. We already have all the resources we need, and if not can create them – There are no unresourceful people, just unresourceful states.
10. Mind and Body are connected and form a system – they affect each other. Two examples are; women who are too stressed can’t conceive. Men who over work have physical or mental breakdowns. If you change your physiology you can change your state.
11. There is no failure, only feedback – NLPers do not believe that mistakes are a negative thing, they simply inform us what NOT to do next time.
12. The person or element with the most flexibility in a group or system will have the most influence – this is the Law of Requisite Variety and teaches us that success depends on flexibility
13. Modelling successful performance leads to excellence – if you want to do something really well, copy/model someone who already does it
14. All processes should lead to integration and wholeness – most dis-ease results in a disconnect between our greater part (the unconscious mind, higher self or source) and our conscious mind (self-created operational manual). This leads to perceived less choices, and one type of behaviour to achieve perceived gain.
15. If you want to understand – Act! The learning is in the action, the memory is in the muscle. You cannot ‘know’ something without some kinaesthetic experience of it.

When I first started learning about coaching and NLP, I was drawn by the fact that when I was younger and I wanted something badly enough, the strength of my desire would usually bring me the result I wanted (I then had to deal with the version I ended up with, from a very dodgy billycart to a very dodgy record deal – but more on specifics later). As I got older I realised, having experienced a few ‘wants’ that had gone a little sour, that my desires had slightly diminished in their ferocity. Well, guess what, I didn’t always get what I wanted – or what I did get usually gave me more hassle than joy.

Perhaps that’s happened to you? So, here is a little NLP exercise to give you some idea. Keeping in mind the learning is in the muscle, do the whole thing. NLP is simply a collection of processes in responsive to information we received and contextualised using the pre-suppositions.

What specifically do you want?

Exactly, precisely, in detail. Write it down in pencil. The unconscious mind is programmed to seek for more and more and the universe is listening out for our desires. Remember to be careful what you wish for. I once wished for a Mercedes and soon got one. It turned out to be a millstone that had loads of issues – I should have wished for a good one!

Pay attention to the answer and notice if you are saying what you don’t want. It must be in the positive – you can’t have a negative. Try this, don’t think of a Pink Elephant. You get what you think about!  So ‘What exactly DO you want?’ Next question is.

How will you know when you have it? 

Specifically. We have all heard the stories about wealthy people who are never happy – maybe they have never stopped to ask this question.  Do you know that when they totted up the remaining assets of 3 of the Wall Street Crash suicides – they all had in excess of $1,000,000 in 1929! They clearly didn’t have an ‘I’m very rich now’ level marker. Ask yourself what will you see, hear, feel and notice when you have achieved your goal? What will you be doing the moment you realise you’ve achieved it? Get all of your senses involved so that your mind can enjoy the pleasure of it.

Here’s something to remember….
We are generally wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain (sometimes our pain gives some sort of secondary pleasure – but as a rule if you’re given 3 choices you’ll always go for the least painful). Note that if something causes you pain, it will probably affect the way you operate. Ok, you know what you want, you also know how you’ll know when you have it.

What do you have now to get what you want?

Many people concentrate on their weaknesses when working out if they can have something and this stops them cold. What are your strengths? List them. Work smart and delegate your weaknesses if you can – you can’t be great at everything. Next question is

What do I need to get what I want?

Don’t let this question to stop you either. Use it. Pin down the simple things that you feel are the difference. It could be resources, psychology (like confidence) a creative partner or just someone to share the workload. Whatever it is – identifying it early will save a lot of time later. For example, I know that, at the moment, my songwriting will benefit from a writing partner – so I know what to look for.

Lastly, ask, ‘How CAN I get what I want?’.

There is an easy trick here for the mind. When we have a desire like an exotic (I said exotic) holiday or new car we can say things like, ‘I can’t afford it’. This turns the mind off. If we change this to, ‘How can I afford it?’ the mind turns on and creative solutions can be found. I have a friend who does this with nearly everything and has an impressive list of successes. On property, he once advised me to go for what I couldn’t afford! Works for him.

 Summary

1) Ask ‘What specifically do I want?’ when you are making meaning out of and assessing the importance of your goals.
2) ‘How will I know when I’ve got it?’ will help you compile the evidence that will, once satisfied, give your mind a neural net of success. Use all of your senses!
3) ‘What do you have now to get what you want? List your strengths and delegate your weaknesses.
4) ‘What do I need to get what I want?’ will get you into a much better position to make your plan.
5) Change ‘I can’t’ to ‘How can I?’ and see what happens.

So that was a little taste of NLP.